FUCK YOU

I’m going to start by saying “FUCK YOU.”

I mean that very sincerely. 

I really tried to understand you. I tried to look past how I felt and put your needs first. 

Let’s not make that mistake again.

All the time I really liked you, I went based of how I felt.

I knew it was a risk. Every time you hear someone say “they are not ready” please run away.

But still, I wanted to be close to you. still I wanted to talk to you every day and hear your voice and see you. 

So, I didn’t care when you said you didn’t want to be in a relationship. I didn’t care when you said let’s be friends but treated me like something more. And I didn’t care when you told me you didn’t like me anymore. I was willing to take the lowest form of a relationship as long I was still in your life.

I told you I didn’t care. I’m fine with being friends. Even though I knew I still like you very much and would agree in a heartbeat if you changed your mind. 

But it dawned on me, I’m okay with where you are mentally. I understand how you need to heal. I had to understand. I understood when you said those daunting words “my feelings have been tucked away and buried under.” But you never cared to understand me.

You never asked how I really felt about all this. You never wondered what kind of person would be willing to give up a relationship or even a situation ship and just be my friend as if nothing happened. I misled her so many times, why is she still here? You only cared about how you feel.

I said I was okay, because if I really said how I felt, I knew there would be no friendship. 

Well maybe that would have been better. 

Because it took me quite some time to realize I am better than this. I am better than someone’s confusion. I am better than being swayed back and forth. I need to move on.

The reason why I haven’t stopped talking to you is because you are one of the best friends I have. Our conversations are really weird but funny and that’s just us.

And so, it’s time for me to finally let those feelings go. It’s time for me to just really be your friend. Not to wait for your texts or the time I get to hang out with you. to genuinely not give a fuck whether I see you in 2 weeks or a month. To wish you the best and find my own peace.

Just as you said you deserve to not be in a relationship, I deserve to find one.

I’ll always love you and it might take some time to fully be over you. so please bear with my neglected rants and multiple invitations to hang out for a little while. It’ll fade eventually.

So yeah. Goodbye. You initially made me feel special and comfortable and I am forever grateful. But making me feel like I had to drag out how you really felt and ending up dealing with your disappointment, for making feel I was the only one in this, and for ignoring my calls and text, FUCK YOU.

Because I joke all the time doesn’t mean I’m immune to fuck shit. So yeah. FUCK YOU.

I still love you though crackhead. 

But it’s time to let you go…

I showed you this and your only words were “another masterpiece.” Wow. You really have outdone yourself. Did you even read it? Did i matter that little to you? What happened to you? And to think i gave my heart to you? Lmao. Please don’t like another girl, if this is how she is going to end up.

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