Mental pieces.

Short poem 1

Mary

There was a girl I knew. I was in love with her. She knew me not. I watched her every day at dawn come out to her front lawn and watch the sunset. I did too. She was my sunset. This girl was so small she could fit in my palm, her hair was laid on her back like the waves on the beach and her eyes glistened like glass against the sun. she was an angel with skin so smooth and lips so full. I had never seen anyone like this girl. She made my heart run longer than time ever will. She made me feel like there was nothing else worth living for. She was just a girl. A girl who lived next to me. She was Mary.

I was invincible. I loved Mary longer I loved myself. I knew love through Mary. I wanted to give love to her. But I was told I had to have it first.

There was a girl I knew, she was me. She loved a girl across the street. She loved a girl small enough to fit in her palm. She loved a girl who didn’t know she existed. She loved a girl she shouldn’t have. She loved harder than she knew she could. Jane loved Mary.

Short poem 2

Do you love me?

If I told you I loved you, what will you do? Will you squeeze your face and crinkle your nose like you always do? Will you breathe 40 times in a minute to hide that you’re scared? Will you look to the left to avoid my gaze? Will you take a step back because I’m standing too close? Will you smile faintly and hope time reverses? Will you close your eyes and wish I disappear? Will you look right at me and hope I take it back? Will you move in a little closer and whisper no? will you walk away?

If you told me you love me, what will I do? I will flare my nose and lick my lips like I always do. I will breathe 90 times in a minute to show I am not scared. I won’t look to the left to avoid your gaze. I will take a step closer because I’m not standing close enough. I will smile so softly and hope that time goes on a loop. I will close my eyes and hope you last here forever. I will look at you and hope you never stop repeating those words. I will move a little closer and whisper my heart till your ears fall off. I will never walk away until I tell I love you too.

Short poem 3

CAN I?

Can I be born again? can I belong to a different family? Can that woman sing me to sleep without the smell of alcohol? Can I call her mommy instead of slut? Can I be spoon fed and not choked? can I bathe without him looking? Can I cry without hearing the sneers? Can I sleep without wishing to never wake up? Can I wear my own clothes instead of none? Can I look at my body without seeing scars? Can I look in the mirror and see me? Can I look ahead without looking back? Can I run till my feet bleed? Can I learn something other than how not to get caught? Can I love? Can I see a man and not feel afraid? Can I have a child I actually keep? Can I be just a daughter and not a profit? Can someone say my name, and can it mean something? Can life take me the easiest way possible? Can I live hoping I make the next breath? Can I believe in God that clearly doesn’t believe in me? Can I ever see a smile on my face? Can I talk without being shunned? Can I see beyond the pain?

If I am born again, can I kill her?

Short poem 4

Urban Zakapa

I don’t love you. I used to once upon a time, but time didn’t wait for me. There is no other reason. I just don’t love you. nothing you do matters to me. Even if you are hurting, I don’t feel a thing. I don’t hate you. I don’t even care that much. Your tears don’t make me move. Your voice blends in with the crowd. Your gaze pierces the wall behind me. Your beauty is now evident to everyone but me. There are no sparks in me anymore for you. I don’t love you. you’re just another being walking this earth.

Short poem 5

There’s no I.

You tell me to live my life. But I don’t know if there is such a thing as “my life.” I’ve always lived for us. I have always lived for my single father and 3 younger brothers. There is no me. We exist. So, excuse me if I come here unkept and smell rotten. Excuse me if my hair reflects that of a porcupine. Excuse me if I show up an hour late and fall asleep. Excuse me if I stare at you while you eat. Excuse me if I don’t feel the need to make friends. There is no I in hunger, or poverty, or stress or sadness or tragedy. I don’t have the privilege of living a life I can call my own. I don’t even own the rights to my name. I am my siblings back bone, I am their mother, I am their friend, I am their bank, I am their eyes, nose and ears. I am my father’s companion and aid. I am everyone but me. I don’t even know if that person exists. So, when you tell me to apply to Harvard and go and live my life. Yes, I don’t know what that means.

Short poem 6

Ten things I hate about you.

1. I hate that you fart on my face like a little ass kid
2. I hate that you make me laugh so hard I snorkel
3. I hate that you only see yes when they say no
4. I hate that everyone loves you because it makes me jealous
5. I hate that you know how to cleanse my tears because all I know is to cry
6. I hate that you fill me up even when I want to be drained
7. I hate that I found you way too late in this life and I wish I can go back
8. I hate that one day, when were grey and old, you might not wake up next to me
9. I hate that I can’t stop loving you even if you wanted me to.
10. And I hate that you would even ask to play a game you know I lost before it started.

Short poem 7

You can’t sit with me.

Please believe me when I tell you I don’t want to be your friend. Actually, you don’t want me to be your friend. You won’t like me. I won’t call you or text you. I won’t say hi when I see you. I won’t sit right next you in class. I won’t ask you to hang out. I won’t tell you, you have something stuck on your face. I won’t say bless you when you sneeze and snicker after. I won’t hold your hand when you’re scared of my cat. I won’t wipe your tears when you cry because of him. I won’t tell anyone I know you all over Instagram when I’m drunk. I won’t know your other friends and sorority sisters. I won’t know your little brother Allen or aunty Nomi or pops. I won’t listen to your deepest secret about your disgusting uncle and I so which death on him. I won’t try new things with you to get over the pain. I won’t be there to see you succeed. I won’t be there to see you fail. I won’t be there to pick you up after you’ve fallen. I won’t be there to tape the pieces back together. I won’t be there when you feel like the world is crashing on you and I definitely won’t be there when you need me the most. I refuse to be there at all. Because I was there for the person before you, every single step of the way. But she decided I wouldn’t be there when she took her own life.

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